Skip to main content

Why "no" isn't a bad word.


This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclosures & Policies on my About page.

Have you ever said "no" and felt bad about it?

Have you ever said "yes" when you wanted to say "no" because you were afraid of disappointing someone?


Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash
For today's topic, I have some questions for you to consider:
If so, has that "yes" ever made you unhappy, or caused you to miss out on something you really wanted or needed to do for yourself because you were trying to please someone else?

Have you ever found yourself in the position of being unable to say "yes" OR "no"? Were you a solid "maybe" on that social invitation you got, never actually RSVPing to the host with a definitive answer?

I think a lot of people are hesitant to say "no" to things. I know I've been there, and I guess it's pretty normal. We're afraid of disappointing people, or not meeting someone's expectations. Or sometimes, we really want to do something and figure we can jam it into our already hectic schedules.

But does it have to be that way?

I used to think that I was pretty good at establishing healthy boundaries, and in certain areas, I am. But it's funny how a simple, 2-letter word can cause such a stir in my life, so I'm exploring why that is. I would never have put myself into the "people pleaser" category, but maybe that's what I am.

Also, I have a tendency to start too many projects or get involved in too many things, and then scramble, trying to keep it all together. I'm genuinely disappointed when I can't do it all! Who do I think I am, Superwoman?

That's pretty unrealistic, because guess what always happens when I do that?

Yep, you guessed it:

Burnout. Complete and utter exhaustion. Insomnia. Worry. Anxiety. An inability to make decisions easily. A desire to huddle myself away from the world.

The list goes on.

There's a local church I sometimes attend, and one day the pastor said something in a sermon that REALLY hit me. He was talking about integrity, and he said, "Let your 'yes' be YES and your 'no' be NO."

I don't know if this was his intent, but here's my take-away:

Make a decision. Stick to it. Have the integrity and respect for yourself and others to tell people "yes" or "no," and be solid in your answer. Don't waffle. Don't exist in the land of "maybe." Free up your mind, heart, and spirit for living your best life by making a clear choice in all you do. COMMIT.

So I've been working on that! While I still have to unlearn some of those "yes" habits, I've been saying "no" a bit more lately. And whereas in the past, I'd feel at least a little bad about saying "no," I'm finding that it's actually pretty good for me!

Want to know how?

I'm sleeping better. I don't have a million moving parts going through my mind, keeping me awake at night.

My decision-making has been much clearer, probably because I don't have a million moving parts going through my mind.

I've been able to focus more on my health and well-being. I still have a way to go, but I'm finding a little more time for exercise and meditation these days, and picking up the yarn or a book for fun more often.

I'm even letting some of my expectations of myself go. (Yes, my people-pleasing apparently applied to myself, too.) Things like: I'm the errand-runner of the household, and I used to beat myself up if I forgot an item or didn't get to the store when I wanted to. So what if I forgot to buy paper towels? I could make an Amazon order and save myself the trip, thereby freeing myself up for something that actually matters.

I've been able to focus on a few things at a time in my life instead of spreading myself too thin. For instance, I've been able to write more consistently here on positively b.e.e. and apply my energy to learning some new skills.

I'm still pretty busy, but I feel like I'm making better choices for what I say "yes" to. (Granted, I still have a lot to learn.)

I'm learning more about quality of life instead of quantity of the things in my life.

So while I'd like to say "yes" to a lot of things, I'm feeling a bit more comfortable with "no." It's not the difficult word I'd sometimes thought it to be.

Try it out and let me know how it goes!


Photo by Andy Tootell on Unsplash

Comment below or on social media and let me know how the word "no" affects you! 🐝

~ positively b.e.e. is on FacebookInstagramTwitter, and Pinterest. Follow me there! ~

Comments

  1. hey dear…
    I’m so happy because your post are so wonderful and really helpful for me.thanks dear..

    https://www.lukhidiamond.com/

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fortune Cookie Friday: The Means of Happiness

This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclosures & Policies on my About page.

Ok, so, as I mentioned in this post here, Fortune Cookie Friday will be an occasional feature here at positively b.e.e. I get a lot of these every time I order Chinese food or go out, plus I sometimes buy a package of them (you can get a big box here), because I like them a lot.

I find the sayings inside often start a train of thought, for me, so I may as well share those trains here and see what you have to say about it, and I invite you to share your fortune cookie fortunes with me as well!

So without further adieu, the first fortune cookie fortune on this site:


"We cannot be happy unless we think we are the means of good to others."
What do you guys think of that?

My first, knee-jerk reaction to this was: "Nah."

But that was my brain trying to get in the way of my heart. When I tell my brain to pipe down, I get so much more out of thi…

Fortune Cookie Friday: Bide Your Time

This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclosures.

Hello fortune lovers! I hope you have had a most excellent week!

Here is today's fortune:


Bide your time, for success is near.
This one has me scratching my head a tiny bit. Is it saying to just cool my heels and wait for success to show up? I mean, to bide your time means to wait, but I've never been good at that. :) Let's explore this concept a little more.

Imagine the following scenario:

You really want to launch a new business. You develop a product, and then put it up on the internet to sell it. Do you then sit back and wait to see if it'll sell?

NOPE!
You're going to market it, right? You're going to place ads, tell everyone you know, maybe hold an open house or pass out flyers or business cards.

That said, there is value in patiently following the steps you need in order to be successful, and not shortcutting on any of the stages or materials.

I've read …

Fortune Cookie Friday: The Roving Bee

This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclaimers & Policies on my About page.

Hello, and happy Friday! I hope you've all had a great week. It is Fortune Cookie Friday, so let's see what today holds:
It's the roving bee 🐝 that gathers honey. 🍯
First of all, I'd like to start with a side note: I love how my house is a virtual scavenger hunt when it comes to fortunes. It's fun for me when I find them. I have these things tucked away in all kinds of tiny little places, and it never ceases to amaze me when I come upon one that seems to speak exactly to what I'm thinking at the time. This one was tucked away in a drawer, with a rusty old paperclip on it. I have no idea what it used to be clipped to, by the way, but I took the clip off to take the photo, and it left those imprints on the paper. I don't even know how long I've had this one, but it has probably traveled with me through several moves over sever…