Self-Care and the News Cycle

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How are you doing with the current news cycle? 

I know today would typically be a Fortune Cookie Friday, but given the recent news cycle, it seems important to broach a serious topic, today. It's not that other topics over the past year aren't serious, per se, but I feel like I should try to help with what's going on right now, therefore, Fortune Cookie Friday will resume next week.

When I started this site over a year ago, I did it in response to what I was seeing as constant bombardment from all sides of negative news, constant tragedies, frequent natural disasters, political and other infighting on social media, and a distinct lack of empathy, compassion, and understanding between people of differing backgrounds, political affiliations, and cultures. 

Frankly, it made me sick. Literally.

I am an empath, which means that I feel things very deeply, connect with people on an emotional level, and will exhibit physical symptoms with frequent exposure to human suffering and constant discord. Depending on what I'm exposed to: I've thrown up; I've had fibromyalgia flare-ups; I'll cry til I can't see; I'll get headaches—you name it.

I HAD to find ways to cope with the constant negativity I was being exposed to on a daily basis, and that's why this site began. I disrupt negativity by focusing on positivity, light, joy, and gratitude. If I helped no one else but me, fine, but what I've heard from others is that it's working. This site helps them, too, and I am frequently told that the world needs more attitudes like mine, where people know without a doubt that they hold the power within themselves to disrupt those negative cycles and live happier lives.

So here we are a year later, and it seems that once again, I'm seeing more and more negativity in our news cycle and social media feeds. I've been feeling the stress building in myself, so I can imagine others are feeling it, too.

To that end, I'd like to share an article with you that I came across about a week ago that really helped me. Because, guys, I don't just sit here in some room typing out missives every week as if I haven't actually experienced negative things. No. I've lived through some serious, serious stuff, just like all of you have.

I have been on the journey of a victim to a survivor to a thriver, and while I still sometimes suffer the after-effects, I'm able to get myself back on track more quickly because I have practiced mindset work for years and can recognize patterns and take action to change them. It may not come easily on the really rough days, but I do recognize now that it IS possible to be happy despite it all.

And THAT is how I step into MY power again.

But sometimes we need a little help to get there.

Lifehacker recently posted its article, "How To Cope with the Current News Cycle as a Sexual Abuse Survivor," written by Deb Schwartz, and while it is specifically geared to survivors of sexual assault and abuse who may have been upset by the recent confirmation hearings and testimony, I think there are many helpful coping strategies in this article no matter what it is that is upsetting us.

Below, I paraphrase some high-level points from Ms. Schwartz's article and list my thoughts about them. I encourage you to click on that link above and read the whole thing, as it has excellent advice:

It's okay to need help and ask for it. I have reached out to friends, and friends have reached out to me. Also, I did talk therapy a couple of times in my life with zero regrets. A friend or a professional are both legit ways to get that help, and there is no shame in seeking it.

Set boundaries with media, both traditional and social, to minimize upsetting exposure. I don't start my day with either of them if I can avoid it. I start my day with an uplifting, inspiring message from any number of sources. I will start including those sources on this site so you can subscribe to them if you wish. I set a time limit on news, browse headlines online, avoid comment threads if at all possible, and if I've hit my limit, I stop for the day. The news will still be there tomorrow. I try to strike a balance, aiming for "staying informed" instead of "Oh God, why did I look at the news today?" I seek sources that are not tooled with headlines meant to get an emotional reaction, too, if I can at all find them. Reuters, Christian Science Monitor and the BBC all work better for me than other news media outlets, but it's up to you to decide where to seek your news.

Set boundaries with friends/family/acquaintances/co-workers. If I have to politely change the subject, I do. If my feelings and pain show to them, then it does, but I try to head it off at the pass before it even gets that far by checking in with myself about how I'm feeling along the way. Once I know it's time to change the subject, a simple, "You know, I really enjoy spending time with you/having conversations with you, do you mind if we move to another topic?" is how I do that. The article lists some other segues, too.

Know your triggers and what they look like internally. For me, if my fight or flight response kicks in, I know I'm triggered, in which case I may politely excuse myself and go deal with it for a bit, especially if I'm with people I don't know that well or am in a business setting. I'm at the point now where I don't need to let that show to others, but in my earlier years, I did, because I couldn't help it. But with practice and support networks (again: talk therapy, friends, family) I've been able to recognize it before it gets overwhelming for me, for the most part. Sometimes it still sneaks up on me, and that's okay, too. I try to meet myself where I'm at, and treat myself kindly when those feelings happen.

You are not required to #metoo if you don't want to. You do not have to share, and you are never required to defend your actions, decisions or emotions to anyone. You are not required to relive your victimization, either. Full stop. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and don't feel bad about not sharing if that's what you need to do. To that end, don't feel bad about sharing, either. Just know that you are in control of what you share and when.

Breathe. Seriously a life-changer, for me. Meditation and breathing exercises have really helped me during my most panicky, non-functional times. So has Reiki. I rarely have a panic attack any more, and when I do, it's easier for me to get out of it again. But I had to practice at it. Practice will help you learn this, but be kind and patient with yourself if it doesn't come easily, okay? It's a marathon, not a sprint.

Most of all, remember that we will get through this. If we do nothing else but breathe, we're going to be okay.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

I very much hope this has helped you in some way. I am sending tons of love and care out to the universe right now. If you want to, and only if you want to, let me know if this article or highlighted points helped you at all. Feel free to share this post with anyone you may know who is suffering. And remember that this, too, shall pass. 💛🐝

 ~positively b.e.e. is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Follow me there!~

Fortune Cookie Friday: Relax

This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclosures. 

Greetings Fortune Cookie Lovers! 

Welcome back to Fortune Cookie Friday!

Just a reminder that as mentioned in last week's post, ALL posts are now occurring on Fridays. As such, Fortune Cookie Friday will happen every other week, starting with today's fortune, which is:

Relax and enjoy yourself.

This is great advice, and I don't know about you guys, but it's pretty timely, for me.

I have a tendency to get myself wrapped up in work, sometimes forgetting to take some R&R. In addition, life has been a bit wonky lately, which can lead me to feeling like I'm always on the go.

But life is all about balance, and we should remember to pad our work and errand activities with quality relaxation from time to time.

I hope that if you're feeling stressed and busy, you'll take this fortune to heart and make an effort to put some of that stuff away for awhile and do something fun. I plan on making sure I relax, too.

Here are some of my favorite ways to relax*:

Coloring

I'm so glad it's not just for kids any more. There are so many nice coloring books out there that are appropriate for adults, and it's gaining popularity! I really love this Secret Garden coloring book. I also have the postcards edition of the same so I can take them on the road with me when I travel, then send the postcard out. There are always coloring books to suit many interests, such as this Game of Thrones coloring book gifted to me in a work holiday exchange. There's even a murder mystery with a cover you can color in yourself, if you want!

I like to use either pencils or markers, especially watercolor pencils. They have a nice, soft lead that blends well, and then you can wet it a little bit with a paintbrush to get a watercolor effect.

If you're not into coloring with actual paper and pencils, did you know there are coloring apps for your tablet? I bet you can find some on the app store for your OS.

Diamond Painting

I've also taken up diamond painting. I'd only heard of it a few months ago, and had no idea what it was, but it's pretty neat! It's basically like cross-stitch, but with less stabbing fabric with a needle. 😄 You get a canvas with printed symbols on it (sometimes the canvas even mimics the DMC thread colors that are used in cross-stitch), and you use a "pen" tool and adhesive to place plastic "diamonds" on the canvas according to the symbol chart. When it's done, you get a completed, shiny picture! The "diamonds" are made of plastic, have many facets, and are either round or square in shape. Here's a photo of my first completed diamond painting, which is the first of a set of 4 mandalas and uses round "diamonds":

Knitting

By now, you probably know I'm a knitter. I recently cast on a Doctor Who scarf. Those who are familiar with the old series know that Tom Baker wore this super-long scarf in his tenure as Doctor Who, and many people have recreated it. Here's mine started:

The yarn is Brown Sheep Nature Spun Worsted, which is nice because it's moth-proof wool and economically priced. I'm using ChiaoGoo Red Lace circular needles, and I store my 12 balls of yarn in this really nice project bag that has enough room for a sweater project, slots and pockets for tools, and a nice shoulder strap.

Crochet

Besides knitting, I also like to crochet. The thing I really like about crochet is how easy it is to fix if you mess up, and you can do some really elegant things with it, not just granny square afghans (which I think is everyone's first introduction to the craft). Right now I'm making a shawl with Baby Blossom Chunky yarn, and the pattern is called The Virus Shawl. There is a great series of video tutorials about it on YouTube, too! Here's how mine is working up:

Walking

Finally, there's nothing like a nice walk to let the stress drift away. Light physical activity is a GREAT way to relax!

Photo by Anika Huizinga on Unsplash

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

What do you like to do to relax? Leave me a comment below and tell me! 🐝

Hope you have a great—and relaxing—weekend!

 ~positively b.e.e. is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Follow me there!~

*By the way, although I provide links to books, art tools and fiber arts supplies, I always support you buying those things from your local brick and mortar shop if possible. Support small business where you can!

Quiet Your Mind And Your Heart Will Follow

This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclosures & Policies on my About page.

"Quiet your mind and your heart will follow."

I woke up with that in my head on a recent morning. It was the last thing I remember from a dream I was having. I sat straight up, grabbed a pen and paper, and jotted it down. It was loud, too, as if someone in the room had said it right next to me. You don't ignore something like that!

At the time, I was struggling with some decisions I needed to make. Well, decisions we (my husband and I) were mulling over. It's a good problem to have when you have a lot of options for a situation, but for me, sometimes having too many options makes it difficult for me to see the path right in front of me.

I knew what I was being told: that I needed to quiet my mind and my heart would know and seek the true path.

I have a habit of letting things get to me, and they get all swirled up in my mind. It's like a cacophony of mental sound inside of me, every thought fighting to be heard.

Can you relate at all? If so, what do you do to quell it?

I've explored various techniques on how to deal with this over the years: pro/con lists, journaling, talking it out with people, but today I would like to share a meditation I've been doing that has been helping me with this problem.

I start by sitting quietly and comfortably, feet flat on the floor, hands in my lap. If you try this and you feel you need calming music, then play some music softly in the background. I prefer to sit in utter silence, and you'll see why, below.

Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly but fully. Let each breath go deeper than the one before. Let the tension of the day drop away with each breath. Stretch a little, settle into how your body feels and consciously relax each muscle, joint, and limb.

If thoughts crop up, acknowledge them, and then let them go. They will probably crop up a few times, and that's okay, just keep acknowledging them and letting them go.

Take more deep breaths, and SMILE. Did you know smiling can calm you down and raise good endorphins?

After several clearing breaths, I let my awareness extend outwards to connect with sounds around me: children playing, birds chirping, cars passing by on the road, a dog barking in the distance, that really insistent woodpecker in the backyard. It takes my mind out of myself and connects me with the outer world. (This is why I often don't use music.) The reason I do this is because by putting my awareness OUTWARDS, I stop focusing on what is INWARDS in my head.

After a few moments of being out of my own head, I am then able to bring my awareness back within, and picture myself in a place that is calm and happy. For me, it's often a quiet beach with calm waves lapping the shore, much like the beaches I grew up with in Connecticut.

Then, I let my higher 'self' connect with heaven, and I pray. I ask God to guide me down the right path.

Photo by Jacek Dylag on Unsplash

After praying, I sit silently again, just paying attention to my breathing, and continue to acknowledge and let go any confusing thoughts that crop up. I sit in a space of quiet gratitude and light, continuing to breathe. By this point, the confusing thoughts are generally gone, and I have only one or two thoughts happening. If I try to jettison them and they come back solidly, then I know those are the ones I should address.

I don't really know how I arrived at this method. It's just from a variety of things I've tried over the years and it's developed from there. One thing I know for sure is that this doesn't come from me. The letting go of my ego and connecting my awareness outward during the meditation is necessary for me to truly quiet my mind, connect above, and know the right path. That step came during another moment of intuition and message last year, and I took it to heart and started implementing it.

One more thing: I've found that there will be what Kim Chestney calls "Godwinks"—signs from above to do something—that are obvious to me if I bother to pay attention. I know for myself, whenever I ignore them, they will fight to be heard even louder, sometimes to unpleasant consequences. When I look back on my life now, I see them so clearly. I've just had another situation in which it was clear I was not in balance with who I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do, and I'm listening up. BIG CHANGES coming in my life right now, but they're GOOD ONES. Being in balance with God and the universe has never been more important to me, and makes my decisions even easier when I listen instead of ignoring it.

Comment below or on social media and let me know: have you ever felt something similar? How do you quiet your mind so that your heart can follow? Do you have any favorite tricks for this?

🐝

Want to read Kim's book? You can find it here. And if you are local to the Pittsburgh region and get a chance to do a workshop with Kim, I highly recommend working with her. You can find out more about workshops and events she offers at her website. You may recall I attended an event she helped create back in January, and you can read what that was like here.



 ~~ positively b.e.e. is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Follow me there!

Why "no" isn't a bad word.

This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclosures & Policies on my About page.

Have you ever said "no" and felt bad about it?

Have you ever said "yes" when you wanted to say "no" because you were afraid of disappointing someone?

Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash
For today's topic, I have some questions for you to consider:

If so, has that "yes" ever made you unhappy, or caused you to miss out on something you really wanted or needed to do for yourself because you were trying to please someone else?

Have you ever found yourself in the position of being unable to say "yes" OR "no"? Were you a solid "maybe" on that social invitation you got, never actually RSVPing to the host with a definitive answer?

I think a lot of people are hesitant to say "no" to things. I know I've been there, and I guess it's pretty normal. We're afraid of disappointing people, or not meeting someone's expectations. Or sometimes, we really want to do something and figure we can jam it into our already hectic schedules.

But does it have to be that way?

I used to think that I was pretty good at establishing healthy boundaries, and in certain areas, I am. But it's funny how a simple, 2-letter word can cause such a stir in my life, so I'm exploring why that is. I would never have put myself into the "people pleaser" category, but maybe that's what I am.

Also, I have a tendency to start too many projects or get involved in too many things, and then scramble, trying to keep it all together. I'm genuinely disappointed when I can't do it all! Who do I think I am, Superwoman?

That's pretty unrealistic, because guess what always happens when I do that?

Yep, you guessed it:

Burnout. Complete and utter exhaustion. Insomnia. Worry. Anxiety. An inability to make decisions easily. A desire to huddle myself away from the world.

The list goes on.

There's a local church I sometimes attend, and one day the pastor said something in a sermon that REALLY hit me. He was talking about integrity, and he said, "Let your 'yes' be YES and your 'no' be NO."

I don't know if this was his intent, but here's my take-away:

Make a decision. Stick to it. Have the integrity and respect for yourself and others to tell people "yes" or "no," and be solid in your answer. Don't waffle. Don't exist in the land of "maybe." Free up your mind, heart, and spirit for living your best life by making a clear choice in all you do. COMMIT.

So I've been working on that! While I still have to unlearn some of those "yes" habits, I've been saying "no" a bit more lately. And whereas in the past, I'd feel at least a little bad about saying "no," I'm finding that it's actually pretty good for me!

Want to know how?

I'm sleeping better. I don't have a million moving parts going through my mind, keeping me awake at night.

My decision-making has been much clearer, probably because I don't have a million moving parts going through my mind.

I've been able to focus more on my health and well-being. I still have a way to go, but I'm finding a little more time for exercise and meditation these days, and picking up the yarn or a book for fun more often.

I'm even letting some of my expectations of myself go. (Yes, my people-pleasing apparently applied to myself, too.) Things like: I'm the errand-runner of the household, and I used to beat myself up if I forgot an item or didn't get to the store when I wanted to. So what if I forgot to buy paper towels? I could make an Amazon order and save myself the trip, thereby freeing myself up for something that actually matters.

I've been able to focus on a few things at a time in my life instead of spreading myself too thin. For instance, I've been able to write more consistently here on positively b.e.e. and apply my energy to learning some new skills.

I'm still pretty busy, but I feel like I'm making better choices for what I say "yes" to. (Granted, I still have a lot to learn.)

I'm learning more about quality of life instead of quantity of the things in my life.

So while I'd like to say "yes" to a lot of things, I'm feeling a bit more comfortable with "no." It's not the difficult word I'd sometimes thought it to be.

Try it out and let me know how it goes!

Photo by Andy Tootell on Unsplash

Comment below or on social media and let me know how the word "no" affects you! 🐝

~ positively b.e.e. is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Follow me there! ~

Awaken! 2018

This post may contain affiliate links, by which I may be financially compensated. See Disclosures & Policies on my About page.

If today were your last day alive, what is your one regret?

I'll let you percolate on that while I start from the beginning.

On January 20th, I had the good fortune to attend Awaken! 2018—a full-day Intuition and Spiritual Awakening retreat. The event was hosted by Kim Chestney of Mystic Studios in conjunction with Green Heiress Holistic Health, which is a beautiful yoga studio & shared healing space in the cute little Pittsburgh-based community of Aspinwall. I had seen something about it on Facebook, but wasn't sure I should sign up. I was feeling a little "gun shy". After a day or two, though, I bought a ticket. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and sometimes, you just have to go with your intuition. I'm glad I did, because it sold out fast, and it was a great day! Below is a summary.

After greetings were made and refreshments had, we were led into the main studio where we were seated in front of a harp. We were washed in beautiful sound by Stephanie Miller, a harpist who practices under the name Music for Life, LLC, in a segment called an Energetic Attunement Sound Bath. It was a beautiful way to start the morning. Stephanie offers a unique service called Vibroacoustic Harp Therapy: she can connect her harp up to a sound bed that has haptic feedback, so as you lay on the table, you literally feel the music as you hear it. I might have to check that out in the future, as it sounds really cool!

After that, we got down to the business of awakening our intuition. Kim Chestney, author of The Psychic Workshop: A Complete Program for Fulfilling Your Spiritual Potential, started the day off by asking us the above question: If today were your last day alive, what is your one regret? She encouraged us "to your own self be true." Throughout the day, we would learn to break the chains of fear that bind us and recondition ourselves to trust in our intuition.

Now, this is what intrigued me about this workshop since I saw the event on Facebook. I've been on my own spiritual journey for the last several years, having twice now been a speaker at healing events, talking about how I kicked fear in the teeth, learned to accept love again (especially from myself!) and started living life. Additionally, since becoming a Reiki Master last summer, I've found my awareness opening up, including having more of a relationship with God in my daily practice. I've found I have more enthusiasm, creativity, and energy. I feel more balanced. I feel more alive!

But, I was still holding myself back from achieving my dreams, and while I kept getting the impulses to DO something about it (Kim would call these "God winks"), and I have started putting plans into place to reach those dreams, I still needed that final kick in the butt to GO FOR IT, so this all seemed to align with my higher goals.

This workshop definitely kicked the doors down, for me.

After her initial talk, Kim introduced us to Susan Amarose, DMQ, RMT. Susan took us through some exercises in QiGong (pronounced "Chee-Kung"), which combines a system of coordinated movements, breathing, and meditation to promote healing, protection, and energy clearing. I was struck by the similarity to Tai Chi, which I practiced for many years in my late teens and 20s, and from which I experienced many benefits. I found the exercises to be REALLY great for my energy levels and sense of peace and alignment, and I look forward to some free workshops that Susan will be offering in February and March. Check them out on her site!

We had a delicious lunch provided from a nearby vegetarian restaurant, and I really appreciate that a nice, long break was allowed for. We had a whole hour to eat, relax, chat with each other, or go and meditate in one of the rooms. You weren't being crammed full of new knowledge at a breakneck pace, you know? There was never a sense of urgency in the timing of the talks. The entire day had just such a lovely, peaceful pacing.

After lunch, Kim taught us about all the different types of intuition, where it comes from (e.g., direct connection with God), why it's important, and then led us through some quizzes to show us where our leanings are. From there, we then split up into smaller groups and did a series of intuitive exercises together.

We rounded the day out with a short beginner yoga session with Nicky Dunlap (even I—NOT exactly limber!!—could do most of it), and a final closing segment to recap what we learned and encourage each other. Kim announced the winners of some beautiful raffle baskets (everyone was entered when we arrived), and gifted all of us with beautiful strands of mala beads that she made. Then it was hugs all around, the event was a wrap, and I floated out of there on a cloud of positivity and hope.

In summary, it was an AMAZING day! The lectures were enjoyable and informative, and the energetic sound attunement and QiGong exercises set the perfect tone right at the start. The exercises were enlightening, and, while I found them to be useful and validating, one of the things I valued most from the workshops was the sense of camaraderie, of working together with these other women in the class, each of us giving of ourselves to help free the others from whatever was holding us back. There was true connection with other souls that day. And connection is important to our well-being. That will be a future post, by the way; it's something burning in me to write about, so stay tuned for that.

A final takeaway: I saw people enter that morning carrying their worries and concerns with them—some frowns, some tiredness, some uncertainty—but by the end, those people were walking a little straighter, feeling a little stiller, connecting a little deeper, and radiating more peace.

Check out some highlights from the day in the video, below. Take a look at Green Heiress' website and consider attending an event or signing up for a class. Feel free to contact any of the presenters I've linked to and ask them questions.

I'm about halfway through Kim's book, and enjoying the heck out of it. I'll do a full review of it when I'm done. In the meantime, I have signed up for the intuitive salon sessions and will be attending the free QiGong sessions as well. Come join me!

Awakening highlights:

Kim's book:

 ~~ positively b.e.e. is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest! Follow me there! ~~